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I'm A Saaaad Panda! - Common Sense Isn't That Common [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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I'm A Saaaad Panda! [Jan. 15th, 2004|11:03 am]
[mood |shut up]
[music |Goldfinger - Spokesman]

Man, I had the worst day today, it was like, I saw this girl that I liked, and we totally looked at each other, and I was like… “maybe I should go talk to her today, yeah, I definitely will!” and I totally had it planned out, I was gonna go talk to her after fourth period PE (man, having PE in the middle of the day suxx, then you’re all gross for the rest of the day! LoL!). So the day was going by fine, and I was building up the courage to say something to my love (she doesn’t know yet! LoL!). So fourth period rolls around, and it seems to go by in a flash. After we’d all changed back into our normal clothes (PE clothes suk! LoL!), I was walking towards her, and she looked at me and turned around! :( - at least I think she looked at me :(. I’m so horribly depressed right now, nobody understands me! I’m contemplating suicide, because my love doesn’t feel the same as me ::sniffle::. Leave me alone! All of you! You can’t possibly know what I’m going through! I hate life! I’m going to go listen to The Cure all day today and cry in my pillow. ::sob:: Woe is me! I think I may just…

… wait just a goddamned minute.

This isn’t me, this is all of YOU. I can’t recall when this LJ crap began, but if I had to guess, it’d probably be around… freshman year of high school. Initially, I believed it to be a good idea. An online medium in which one could express creativity, ideas, events, etc etc. But alas, I seem to have given too much credit to the online community (consisting mostly of fucked up teenagers and pedophilic adults trying to convince the fucked up teens that their life would be drastically improved if they allowed the aforementioned pedophilic adults to stick their online penis into the teen’s online ass), because no longer is the LJ a forum for intelligent conversation (“no longer“ is probably giving the online community too much credit as well, I should probably be saying “never was”), but rather an html soapbox that is quickly turning this entire generation into a bunch of goddamned over-emotional pussies.

What brought this on, you ask? For years, I’ve been clicking on these links that people put in their AIM profiles - AIM profiles have their shit down, they don’t give you enough room to turn into an uber-emotional douchebag, but they do allow you enough room to link to a LJ, unfortunately – So yeah, back to me clicking on these links that always say something like “how was my day?” or “Woooo!” or “I <3 Boobs”, and all of the sudden, I’m whisked away into the world of someone’s stupid fucking problems that I don’t care about. If it’s not your boyfriend/girlfriend, it’s your parents, if it’s not your parents, it’s your best friend, if it’s not your best friend, it’s probably the person you’re currently stalking and can't muster up the courage to say anything to, you loser. What the hell happened to dignity? What happened to keeping what’s private, PRIVATE? Do you people no longer have any sort of candid feelings? Does it feel better when you vomit your emotional garbage all over a webpage for strangers to read? Does it make you feel important?

Please, don’t give me that shit about doing it for YOU. You’re not doing it for you, or you’d write in a freakin’ diary/journal with a PEN & PAPER, where you can hide your stupid crap from the rest of the uncaring world. Or, if you’re “too cool” for pen and paper, open up WordPad, write to your heart’s content click on file when you’re done, then go to “save as” and save it as “STUPID CRAP THAT NOBODY BUT ME CARES ABOUT” and place it in a secure place so you’ll always have somewhere to go when you get a little teary-eyed over you last meeting with the significant other.

Oh dang, here comes the comment I love to hear: “You don’t HAVE to read it!”

Yes I do. And here’s why. Unlike the 99% of you that make me want to stab you in the face after reading your LJ, occasionally a nugget of awesomeness/hilarity will slip by unnoticed by the masses too concerned with their own garbage problems. This is what makes reading all the rest of you people’s garbage acceptable (well, not that I really want to say “keep on doin’ what you’re doin’, but I assume you get what I’m saying). There are certain people that use LJ for what LJ SHOULD have been used for initially. Because it’s a written medium, people are able to spend time writing a story to go around their real life event, it’s not rushed or over-exaggerated as it is when telling it in person. People can think before they post, and it’s usually really goddamned funny/interesting.

I’m willing to bust out a few name that deserve mizzad prizzoppers for being interesting (OH YES, BY THE WAY, I READ THE MAJORITY OF MY LJ DRIVEL THROUGH HOLLY’S FRIENDS, SO IF I DON’T MENTION YOU IN THIS LIST, CONSIDER YOURSELF A LOSER): Jeff, Eamon, Matt F., Matt S., Crystal, Bernadeth (sorry if I spelled your name wrong, it always tricks me), Holly (about 3/4 of the time, it’s interesting rants/articles), Meredith (about 1/2 the time, it’s cosplay pics, and those are always good times), and last but not least, Holly’s new roommate Diane (Good music conquers all – even a shitty unreadable layout.).

Seriously, those are the only people that have had anything worth saying since the invention of the LJ journal. The rest of you need to take up a new form of self expression. Perhaps something that will never, ever, ever, ever, involve the term “you just don’t understand…” – Because hey, I probably do understand, because every single thing you feel, every single thing that happens to you, all of it, is all totally unoriginal. It’s been done so many times already that just you typing ANYTHING about it at all makes it more clichéd than the “you don’t understand” term itself.

There’s only two things on the planet that I can think of that “you don’t understand” can be applied to:

1. Girls cannot understand the pain of being booted in the nuts. Unless they’re packin’ guy and girl below the waist – hermaphrodite style (in which case, I guess you wouldn’t be a girl, but still close enough, I suppose).
2. Guys cannot understand the pain of childbirth. Goddamned glad I can’t ,either. Doesn’t seem like much fun to me. If I had to fathom a guess as to what it’s like, I would assume it’d be like a gargantuan poo that screams as it leaves your ass. Yeah, see, even my guess is stupid and wrong.

So this is getting retardedly long, and for that, I don’t apologize, because I’ve read enough of your crap to justify this monstrosity, and hey, at least mine’s entertaining. Not once have I claimed that you “don’t understand where I’m coming from,” nor have I said anything about any emotions, except the ones your LJ junkies spew at me on a continuous basis (except anger, I guess there’s some of that, even if I didn’t mention it specifically).

So in conclusion, a quick recap:

- Get a freakin’ life
- Get some friends
- Grow some balls (figuratively, ladies, I don’t want you to actually have balls, then I’d be down to one thing in my “you don’t understand” list. And then it wouldn’t be a list, and I’d look stupid.)
- Keep your shit to yourself, or perhaps to a closely knit support group (close friends and family ONLY, you whiny bitches)

And if you refuse to take my advice, get used to living in your parent’s basement until you’re 40, because you can’t handle the real world. Don’t worry, I’m sure The Cure will put out another Greatest Hits sometime soon. If not, you can always fall back on some really shitty emo.


[User Picture]From: holly_hox
2004-01-15 09:02 pm (UTC)


That was everything I had hoped it would be! Thanks andy.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: nycaj9
2004-01-16 12:15 am (UTC)
haha, i was reading the first paragraph and getting all giddy for you, then BAM! wasnt expecting that one.

i hope you didnt mention my name just because im nice to you. heh. im still working on the cd of music, rom style.

yea, the 'you dont understand bit' is so overplayed. people shouldnt say that in lj's or in real life because its bullshit.
(Reply) (Thread)
From: (Anonymous)
2004-01-16 11:36 am (UTC)

Dear panda.

I didnt read the whole post (because it was too loooong! LoL!), and I cant read good. Lol, that tooo.

But I'm sorry you're a sad panda, I know nobody understands... but.. You see, I've got this magic penis that can make everything better...

You're 15 right? Cool. LEt's meet?
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: d0rkboy
2004-02-10 09:40 pm (UTC)
Worried you might get deleted for inactivation.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: sharkteeth
2004-02-19 03:24 am (UTC)
Holly told me about this. GREAT STUFF. You're on your way to Rush Limbaugh status. I changed my layout, jerk.
(Reply) (Thread)